Weds Nov. 27th  5:57pm
A lament in the tune of gratitude, in the key of thanks, spoken in the dialect of thanksgiving is still a lament- an acknowledgement that all is not well & it hurts.
Lamenting in the tune of gratitude keeps one in tune with the source of joy, never ceasing to seek out its key, never quitting the praise of He who makes joy possible even now.
Can one lament healed hurt that left no scars; no visible scars.
I can walk because I was tortured as a child.
I do not remember the pain; I would not know the story had it not been told to me second-hand. I have seen pictures but it could have just as well been another little girl with a huge cast attempting to play tee ball in the living room.
Still- she had my characteristic smile & my Daddy’s attention. I recognize him- he hasn’t changed as much in the last 22 years as I have.
Yet where were You- my heavenly Daddy- when I fell; when they asked You to take away the pain & You apparently did b/c I stopped whimpering. Are You really that literal? I was still hurt & that was ignored for a couple days b/c they thought You handled it.
I was left alone. I was stuffed in a big machine with no Mommy & no Daddy; legs spread eagle- separated excruciatingly – I can only suppose.
Their prayer wore off.
A lament in the key of gratitude speaks in loud opposition to the testing spirit within me that wonders whether I’d have grown up a bit saner had that not happened.
The key of thanks counts it all joy that I can walk – that I have had painful experiences & that I cannot remember most.
Humility has resulted from the debilitating fear – courage of a different kind than if I was born brave.
A lament in the key of gratitude cannot sound sour.
Surely it is possible to claim one signature but let accidental marks upon our otherwise perfectly grateful tune tint it to the point of oblivion.
A finely tuned ear can pick out the correct and honest key regardless of what’s written – that smile […] is easily exposed when those accidental slip ups are so consistent that they (re)characterize the entire piece.
Thurs. 12 [noon]
Thanksgiving. I’m thankful that I have a job to be off from- that this isn’t permanent – that senses of uselessness never stick.
I’m grateful for my disappointments, that laments don’t get us sent to solitary confinement – that camps are not our final destination but that we’re allowed to admit our desperate attempts to convince ourselves that we really are grateful for what we have.
Perspective matters. A lament in the key of gratitude cannot sound sour.
I am grateful for solitude and I am grateful that it will not last forever.
Give thanks for silence and the chance to fill it.
Then say ok.
space and crowds
people that are smarter than I
sheep that act as mirrors
Mon Nov 25th, 2013 8:30pm The will of God is that we would be thankful so I’m grateful for a warm bed & free time – for work & extended hours & for patience – that so many have had so much patience with me. I’m grateful for rest & responsibility, that I’ll never be able to claim full independence but that during this cold season I am not the one who needs to scrape $ together for heat. I thank You that […] that […]. I thank you that […] & that […]. Thank you for […] & vice versa. Thank You for creating us to be dependent creatures & that You use us to satisfy needs. Thank You for wisdom & boldness to give generously to the right places. Thank You for expecting us to stand up for truth. Thank You for my disappointments. Thank You that I am single but I am not unattached. Thank You that You are consistent even if Your people & our representations of You are not. Thank You for being real & big enough & powerful enough to prove it. Thank You that You don’t have to but You do. Thank You for […], for […], for […] & […] & […]. Thank You for […] & […] and that […] whether or not […]. Thank You for buying us back- continuously. Thank You for […] & the hope […] for a fresh start. Thank You for people, young & old, across the board & that all of this is temporary. Thank You that we don’t win but You win & then choose to share Your victory so its a win-win […] Thank You that You have really high standards that I can’t meet. Thank You that You met them for me. Thank You for […
May we never run out of reasons to give thanks!