Tuesday night I sat in the middle of the hall just staring at the huge panel I was supposed to draw a bookcase onto. The cast surrounded me; my claustrophobia/ natural inclination to hide when the tears are about to make an appearance took over and I gave them very short, characteristic one or two word answers and the sad shakes of the head that are typical when I’m overwhelmed.
Last night I playfully announce to the co-director, a friend from high school, “I have a present for you!”.
Tuesday night after going home I was too wired to sleep so I decided to do what often helps- create something. What should I create? A giant bookshelf of course!
The same task that brought me such anxiety refreshed me just hours later- once I had been released from the responsibility and gained the freedom to choose my style, medium, whether or not I wanted to do it.
The same job can bring us to life or deaden our senses, depending on what unnecessary restrictions we place on ourselves or allow others to place on us.
I can’t help but think of the dichotomy between living by the spirit and living by the law. In plain English (vs Christianese), are ya living by rules and deadlines or from the heart. Do you begrudge the task before you or does the prospect of putting hard work into something refresh you.
I’ve told my cello teacher a few times- this is a hobby and I need it to diminish stress instead of add more. Sometimes that means I ignore what I’m supposed to be practicing and get out an old piece, something I can feel accomplished at. Sometimes that means working through one measure and skipping the rest of the assignments. I have a list of things to work on, but I usually don’t follow it to the tee. When I play because the sound excites me, I’m much more likely to keep going than when I’m forcing myself to put up with a noise that breaks up my precious silence.
What stresses you out and is there a way of tweaking the assignment so that it perks you up, excites you, brings life instead of stealing it?