Hidden in God’s heart

Sweet terror?

The song was familiar, but the music video showing on the large screen at the bowling alley the other night was a bit disturbing- and quite fascinating.  Poor guy.

Uh oh indeed.  The dude caught himself a stalker.

I started to wonder how and whether in the real situations (I was going to say if that was real, but I know something similar is happening somewhere- many somethings) whether the guy is really as creeped out as he looks or does he enjoy being

fighting for a word.. emasculated.

“Pinned ya!”

pinned ya

Even when Nala doesn’t look like she wants to eat him Simba still looks scared.

With good reason.  Being pinned should be terrifying.

Purposefully hidden by the maze’s creator

An older gentleman (like upper 70s) asked me yesterday about whether I had a boyfriend, any suitors, interests.. and he seemed genuinely surprised that they weren’t lining up at the door.  I laughed off the question.  Later we got into a phenomenal conversation about modern vs biblical dating, some of the changes over the years, & a bit of my own story; but in that moment I silently replayed a friend’s words in an attempt to drown out that ever present small pang that I feared that, if entertained, would escape the heart and show up on reddened cheeks in the form of glossy streaks.

When I laughed off her similar question about the suitors lining up at the door, she responded seriously, “They can’t see you Val”.

a girls heart In my mental battles to maintain the appearance of sanity, another phrase always follows in kind, one that has been at times an encouragement and at times can seem a cruel cliche.  Seeking a visualization to break up this space, I look up the words that echo in my mind and find the fb page dedicated to the concept.  *sigh.  Even here the girl’s the initiator, but at least she’s not scaring the sh& out of Mickey.

A girl’s heart should be so lost in God that a guy has to seek Him in order to find her.


Tantalizingly lovely.

Praying about that phrase this morning, I thought of a maze- one of those grass mazes that I’d be too scared to enter because my sense of direction is truly pathetic and who knows what might lurk in there.  Harry Potter IV.

As the image progressed in my mind, I realized that this maze is huge- probably stretches across an entire football field, or more- but short.  If you want to stand up and see across the entire thing and wave to other people caught in this thing, go for it- at your own risk.  maze

Crawling really is safer, and wiser.

There are potholes everywhere and these things are actually quite helpful because they show which way not to go, but the impatient runners don’t see them and end up cursing quite loudly every time they almost sprain an ankle.  Plus directions are written on the walls.  Sneaky, huh!

I imagined that this thing would be infamous.  Little boys and little girls would spend years dreaming about the day that they’d enter the maze.  Like a pool in which the little ones are required to stay at the shallow end, some enter on their own a bit sooner than others, filled with conflicting messages of how awesomely, refreshingly dangerous the clear water is.  Some go down a slide into the deep end and don’t realize/ remember that they have no clue how to swim until after someone is having to save them.  People are so eager to enter that they don’t do their research first- or they learn the ropes from less than trustworthy sources and enter arrogantly believing that years of practice means that they have mastered the art of dating.

Premature immaturity

Modern little boys and girls get out their fancy electronic doohickeys and play on simulated mazes – they practice running through it; they get more points for how many people they find.  They fall into a booby trap and pixelated red drops spurt into the air, the character fades and vanishes for a sec and then reappears as good as new.  The cats’ nine lives drop down to eight.

boytoyThink I’m kidding?  The nine year old I occasionally watch LOVES these types of games.  “I have two boyfriends but I have to break up with one of them”.  I think one of the two was cheating.  Our kids are learning the tricks and cheats before they ever enter the real maze so when they get to it they are utterly unprepared.

Do you get the parallel?

Oh they’ll have fun in there, they’ve learned how, but they haven’t learned the point of the game so they’ll never figure out how to get out.  It’ll take a while to realize that they want to take the one that they found and go elsewhere.

That part doesn’t show up in the simulations.

My vision

From this morning’s journal entry:

[…] I have an image of [sitting in] a fairly large maze but w/ really short walls- if I stood up I could see, but the guys are supposed to crawl through it and the girls are supposed to sit & mentally & physically prepare themselves.  They’ve got a [hidden] mirrored cupboard w/ makeup & they have to be wise about when to primp & when to close all that […] and let themselves be seen.  Both could stand up & look for each other – pick someone b/c more than 1 stood, but only when crawling do the men get descriptions of the one they are to pursue.  Only when crawling do they get directions on how to get there.

The risk for a girl standing is someone else might get there first- one that never was supposed to find her – one that likes her looks but doesn’t know anything about her & has no clue how to get out of the maze b/c he hasn’t been reading the instructions.

The man becomes a hindrance – threatens the real suitor – sending out warning howls almost like a dog protecting its property, but quite useless.

The girl who has not sat & studied her surrounding hasn’t found the secret door with the mirror & makeup & additional staircase behind.

The man, believing that she was going to get him out of there, becomes angry with her & leaves to find someone else – standing of course – unaware of & cursing at the potholes that’d be clear signs to take a different route

If only he had been humble enough to crawl.

Abba, I’m so grateful that I, as a little girl, didn’t find that maze & just start running through with no regard to safety or rules or whether or not I should be there.  [the little girl mentioned earlier].  Oh Abbi, protect that child – she’s just a child & yet she’s going through simulated mazes – practicing running electronically – the screen shows a little bit of blood when one falls into a ditch, its no big deal.

Oh Abbi, how wrong they are!  Instead of getting to know You, study Your ways so that she can go in understanding the game & resist the temptation to stand – instead of understanding Your ways so that she can know where You’d hide the opening to the door & what all would have to be done in order to make it out – where the shrinking potion is, how to read the labels in the medicine cabinet, she practices running.  How fruitless.

Abbi – we have a generation that doesn’t know how to react to each other & I know its not the 1st time but oh Abbi.

Thank You for analogies – heavenly glimpses of what its really like.

The guy who stands also risks being found by the stalker girl in the music video- uh oh – stuck like glue – you & me baby.

An immature runner who has never learned to sit.