“I gotcha”

I should not be surprised but yet again I take a pleasant moment of rest after some unnecessary fretting/ running from thing to well orchestrated thing to just laugh at how cool my God is.

I mean this is by no means the first time He’s bailed me out.

The oft told finale-like tale to three incredible weeks alone in Granada of course comes to mind (see example 1 below).

And of course it’s happened here too- regularly in fact. I really shouldn’t be surprised. (cue example 2).

Coincidences? Perhaps except that some just can’t be. I can’t coincidentally just spatter out foreign words. (and I’m skipping to 9, I’m really not a dancer.  or a runner (10)).  Still, I could go on with the stories. I love God stories. (3)

As if I needed more proof!

{Besides, I think it’s always been this way; (4)}

(Take example 5 for instance). It worked out wonderfully and no it wasn’t luck and it wasn’t stupidity. I’ve had my share of stupidity but trusting the Lord on that one was one of my smarter, riskier moments.

Thus it sticks with me.

Yet moments like tonight would slip away if I didn’t write them down. Excitement builds and fades away again and soon I slip into the dangerous cynical cycle of trying to convince myself I, and He, are not fakes.

I’ve seen stories form that are so personal and so complex that I cannot count them off and yet they would seem so foolish to someone else. We are so quick to write off our lives as coincidences. Bail outs that don’t seem to matter- tonight was getting me to a cello lesson on time. Simple enough except for the several small tales all working together so intricately to make it happen.

Stuff I couldn’t plan and couldn’t make up if I tried. (6)

Like tonight’s tale (7).

“Miracles happen”

Seemingly little stuff. A text…(8)

Someone I met at Searchlight back in January, Ian Schumann (referenced before), has been writing a blog post each day of July. All worth reading. This one caught me though: The trouble with being Christian. I echo his sentiments about being the type of person that I sometimes wanna punch. I hear ya.

Normal people dislike Christians because they can appear to be uninterested in rational discourse, and would rather simply export their opinions in a one-way transaction. Normal people are suspicious of Christians because they seem to be trying to sell something. Normal people ridicule Christians because their belief system supposedly dictates that they must categorically dismiss centuries of scientific scholarship. Normal people are wary around Christians because, given all this, they might honestly be a little crazy.

I get this. I remember this. Sometimes I still think like this … because I still sometimes meet Christians that I think are crazy. Or ones that I want to punch.

I get it. I’ve been told that it’s not my fault that I was raised to believe a sham and honestly sometimes I’m tempted to believe that.

I’ve figured out that I’m probably not smarter than you and I definitely haven’t done more research, well most likely. I’ve had my streaks, but I get discouraged with contradictions and claims that everyone but the writer is heretical and I cave, give up on trying to explain why I believe this or what exactly this is.

I read and fairly regularly return to Greta (a famous atheist blogger)’s post* about what pisses her off about us Christians and I silently agree. I’ve spent hours sifting through the rest of her blog and honestly I don’t remember most of what she said because my memory’s horrible and I’m not a scholar…

*There’s too much in there to pick out one quote but its worth the time to pick through.

& yet I’m a Christian and I have never been able to not be one- I’ve never been able to pull myself away, get unleashed from the good girl high standards.. or the overwhelming knowledge that they don’t come from me.

Now I don’t want to.

Now I know that I’ve been bailed out countless times, have the same tendencies as everyone else and would be quick to fall had a Dad not been keeping a close eye on me.  I can’t tell you why ‘only me’ but I can just start listing times where I very easily could have been taken advantage of or would have jumped at the chance to follow some pretty incticing pathetically destru..**

**idk- those of you who know me (and knew me as a kid) are probably either laughing or rolling your eyes if you’ve made it this far. I’ve always been hard on myself but I’ve also been extrememly naive and vunerable and lets just say its obvious Dad’s got my back.

& I know that pisses some of you off because after 1000+ words I still haven’t offered any rational hope or reason to believe its not coincidental, too experiential to count but even facts are experientially based. My reading leads to a different set of authors presenting a different set of facts, leading to a different set of conclusions than you might come across.  These the facts I’ve been presented with.

(if subnotes read previously, skip to bottom)

1. I try for six months to figure out how to get myself to Managua, the capital; God’s more creative than I. He says the night before “You’re going tomorrow”; I protest not having made the plans myself but still morning of I’m telling everyone “I’m leaving” with no clue how and whadayaknow. The long term USers have to renew their visa that very same morning. I join; a bunch of other serendipities happen and I sit down later and just laugh at how cool my God is.

2. Me –> friend’s house for ride to mutual friend’s party, at least I was trying. Well, directions and I don’t get along, a GPS wasn’t in the picture yet, I had no clue where I was, prayed boom theres the street.

3. Holding a friend’s newly donated box of food containing both a practical helping of wrapped boneless chicken breasts and the whole bird itself (granted, also wrapped and headless) less than half an hour after she had lamented about her brother breaking a promise to buy her chicken (which she needed to maintain a regularly scheduled diet) convinces me that my God cares.

4. digging through old photos we found ones dubbed our miracle Christmas. Unknowing people providing a tree and gifts when we would have gone without. I’ve been on the receiving end of Thanksgiving gift boxes.

5. Spending the weekend on the beaches of Chinandega, Nicaragua with a friend and his English speaking cousin (who had just arrived from CA that day) after believing that reassuring voice convincing me to get on a bus without having heard from my contact yet.

6. The Allstate story obviously comes to mind but there have been some others with some really intense back stories. Like the time I met a friend of a friend in her TN home town because I was there for an AIM internship and our primary location for our third week fell through so we went back to this retreat site hosting a conference that she was able to attend so we got to have a pj party less than a month after i had said I wanted to meet her having no clue where she lived… That story has quite a few more layers I don’t care to go into, but my God’s cool like that.

7. Our movie running late, the children’s mother (I nanny during the day) forgetting to drop something off at a FedEx near her; my teacher wanting us to start 1/2 hour early, me texting the mom an apology we’re late but coming all while internally panicking that I can’t make it to my lesson on time never mind early. Her call of explanation, also running late, running errand- hey I’m in your area – what? less than a mile from you? I’m passing right by I see you. cool thanks see ya. I make it to my new (half hour early) appt just in time to see my teacher walk out into the hall to welcome me with a surprised “You made it!”.

8. …(granted from a special certain someone..) containing nothing more than “.” at the exact moment of a dream to wake me up repeating my last line “Don’t worry about it”. He wasn’t awake at 5 am, probably still has no clue he sent it, but generally one doesn’t remember dreams unless we wake up during one and I think God wanted me to remember that one- remember the God stories I was sharing during that dream and the conclusion those stories led to. “Chill. I’ve gotcha.”

9.

 Normal hasn’t been an option lately.

Not being bold enough to actually pray for her, I started to tell the story of last night, expecting two short songs and being pleasantly surprised when the worship leader sensed that our Lord had something more.  I told her how after slipping into the aisle, going unnoticed was no longer an option, nor a desire.  I literally could not stop moving, just like that afternoon in a smaller group and three days ago in solitude.

(https://vklong.wordpress.com/2012/02/03/1284/#more-1284)

The literally uncontrollable- and I use neither word lightly- dancing persists.  That’s a God story in and of itself.

10.  I show up to a prayer meeting before school and run for 40 minutes straight.  Just as unexpected as it sounds, but normal’s no longer an option (and I wouldn’t have it any other way).

 

All that and tons of others scattered throughout journals, gathering dust in the corner of my wandering mind are all I’ve got. Those and the tales written down from everyone else with similar or even more mind blowing experiences. The prisoners of Columbia’s deadliest hellhole changing things up a bit.

I have to conclude that my God’s not dead.  (Roaring like a lion, all that jazz..) After all, especially if you know me, ya gotta admit that I definitely did not teach myself to dance (9).

 

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