hace un año


A year ago, all of my blog titles were in Spanish.  364 days ago I wrote el fin de santa lucia, explaining the mixed feeling about leaving my then home of 5+ months.

As I walk down to the end of Santa Lucia for the last time tonight and yell out adios to each family just hanging out on the front porch, I know that I’ll quickly relearn how to live in a place where walking at all is not as common as it should be and most neighbors stay nameless. And yet at the same time I hope I don’t forget what it feels like to turn the corner after running down to the lake and rest on El Puente’s steps.  – AIM blog 5/9/2010

Nica- I miss you.  The seven of you, Ty you too, put up with a lot and I love and I thank and I really really miss you.  Heather- I still listen to your Dry Season and wow.  You were the ‘her’ in The Crown for me and I’m sorry.  Thank you for you.  Sergio.  Beckah. All of you- I’m sorry for the breakdown in communication, for my inability to tell you what I needed/wanted and unwillingness to seek you out, but thank you for coming to me instead.  I love you all.  (& I really really miss you).

Flipping through the journals as often happens, I find a dream in which I hung a drawing of a flower & the word Hosanna over my bed but only after stubbornly refusing to show you. 

This is fairly descriptive of what kept happening, but I am grateful that you did not give up on me.

your room’s not yours.  people can come in & out & they will see it.

It’s a gorgeous pic Val.  You are an artist & your life is a masterpiece.  Your love for me is beautiful- don’t think it trite.  You want people to see.  You want people to recognize you as Mine.  Show them.  Show them love individually instead of expecting them to know b/c they see you out here (PH).  You hang the pic over your bed to benefit you, so you can see it, so you can remind yourself of where your loyalty lies.  You come out here b/c I tell you to, to benefit yourself, out of the right reasons..

It was a good year and has been a good year since.  thank you for leading me to the place I am today.

[…] but Amber’s standing right beside you asking to see your picture.  Don’t claim its too personal, inappropriate even & then tape it up anyways with your back to her.  Show your relationship w/ Me by having awesome relationships w/ them.  You can’t cuddle up w/ Me while hiding from them b/c I won’t hide under the covers with you.  I love them.  When will you understand that you are not alone.  You should not be lonely when walking side by side with your sister- especially one that needs you as much as you need her.  Show your love for me by loving them.  – April 9th, 2010