I’d like to make myself believe/ that planet Earth turns/ slowly (Fireflies)
OWL CITY’s lyrics echoed through my head as a slight grin overtook my red eyes. Wild Goose Chase had referenced the earth’s speed (to prove one point or another) immediately after I had retreated to the icebox to get away from what had basically become the Novas Project theme song.
It’s not that I didn’t like the song. It was just that, at that particular moment, I just couldn’t handle it.
They were dancing. I wanted to dance. I didn’t know how. No one forced me. I wasn’t about to volunteer to make the first move.
Still, I was pleasantly surprised this evening to hear it pop up on the radio, having assumed that, when Facebook recommended ‘liking’ the band’s page, the fans would be relatively small in number and the 7 mutual friends who had heard of the group would be Nova’s people.
Nope. Just 1 from my Nica group, 1 from one of the Africa teams, 1 from CA, 2 from church, 1 bunny person, and 1 from a group that came down for a week while we were in Nica.
They don’t know each other.
That song, like every song, like everything, carries different connotations for each person.
Each person comes to a familiarity in a different way, coming along a different path.
For me, that song sends me searching for a small hidden paragraph about how I was going to burst out crying, again, if I stayed in the kitchen and watched friends dance without me. A small paragraph hidden in pages upon pages of analysis of who I am and why I do what I do.
Page after ironic page declaring,
from my silent icebox, that freedom
from the cages of responsibility (sometimes I feel I owe it to someone to live up to [or down to] their expectations of me), routine (shake it up a bit to keep life from getting stale & stagnant), assumptions (we call it being realistic, thinking ahead. It’s really not having enough faith & guts to attempt what we’ve always been taught & [have] come to believe is impossible), guilt (includes any sense of regret…opportunities missed), failure (“Divine detours…are the ways God gets us where He wants us to go” (13)), and fear (many times we’re so scared of being locked in one of the other cages that we back ourselves into the most dangerous because once paralyzed by fear, all the other cages pile on & you are stuck in the middle of a cage in a cage in a cage)
was dancing around right outside my door, inviting, begging me to find the guts to join in.